So Monday is a BIG day...we find out...(insert drumroll here, please) the SEX of the baby!
Some days I felt like I would internally combust having to wait so long....as far as I'm concerned, waiting is cruel and unusual punishment! I mean, I guess if truth be told I could have found out sooner. I will be 20 weeks and 3 days when we go for the anatomical ultrasound, and I could have found out as early as 17 weeks.
So, part of me is singing with joy about finding out....
...and the other part of me is starting to panic.
When we find out boy or girl, it will make the whole "baby thing" more real. Like, it won't be just some alien swimming around in my uterus. It will be a PERSON. A person that has genitals and will come screaming into this world in just a few short months, needing fed and clothed. And here lies the problem....I'm CLUELESS.
I am not just clueless, I'm lost.
First of all, we can't agree on any names. It was always safe to say "Oh, we'll just wait till we find out what we're having!" Well guess what? That excuse won't last much longer. Sooner or later we will HAVE to agree on something. You know those baby books that have like 54684751521 names? Well, lo and behold we're the first couple in the universe that couldn't agree on a single name in that entire fat book. Actually, it was three fat books and still no names jumped out at us. The names that jumped out at Danny made my nose wrinkle in distaste. And the names that jumped out to me made him say "Are you freaking kidding me?"
Oh, but alas, those are the least of our problems.
So, my darling friends and mom want me to have a baby shower. Which means that we will have to register soon for items. People, I don't know the first thing about babies. I know, I know. Diapers...(but what kind? What if Jr. doesn't like Huggies and prefers Pampers?)....I wish there was only one option and I would happily register for that item. However...in the real world there are a million choices and I feel overwhelmed.
Anyway, I digress.
I know we will find a name, and I know we will figure everything out. It's just a foreign feeling for me to not feel completely prepared for something. I'm Queen Anal of Retentiveness, so this general denial and helplessness I'm experiencing is a new feeling for me.
I always try to be positive.
Here are the positive things: I have had an easy pregnancy (except carpal tunnel and a cold sore the size of Mt. Everest), my baby is healthy thus far, my husband is completely supportive and reads all the baby books and happily babbles off useless information that I don't really need to know, we have a roof over our heads, great health insurance, plenty of love and support from those around us, a cute pug dog that will be an amazing older sister, and in my belly is the ONE person in my life that is a part of me.
Let me go off on a tangent for a moment about that last point.
As many of you know, I am adopted. I love my mom and dad. I wouldn't have any of these blessings without them. I never felt adopted. I always felt like a natural part of our family. I had a typical relationship with my brothers, whom I also adore. I always felt I belonged.
Inside of an adopted person however, is a void. It's not good, it's not bad. It's just an emptiness looking around and knowing no one is YOU. When my baby is born, I'll be holding the only person I know that is part of me. I honestly feel like my baby will fill that void I've never been able to fill. And that is very, very special.
So enough of the sappiness.
Until next time....au revoir!